He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
