I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
