Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize