Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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