he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
