when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
