We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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