i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
