I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
