ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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