i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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