My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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