Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize