The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
