I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
