Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I love having hate sex.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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