R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
