he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
