How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
