Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
