Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
