Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
