You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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