Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
