He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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