Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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