well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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