I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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