There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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