your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
