1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
