You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We're too hungover to prance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
