I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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