Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
