last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
