sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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