You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sober January is a disaster.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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