It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
