I think im going to throw up on grandma
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
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I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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