omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So much rum. So many feels.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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