Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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