Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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