Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
