they need to just BURY HIM!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
