What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
