I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
