and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize