just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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