Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
