hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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