you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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