well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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