you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
