Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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