the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
