youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
