She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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