Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
