No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
