I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
