so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
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