I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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