he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
