remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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