shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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